Are you frustrated in your relationship or waiting for the right person to show up? Do you want to feel like your relationship supports you living the greatest possible life that you can live?
Whether you are in a relationship or not, you will learn to deepen your relationships through greater authenticity and find the clarity necessary to live your true Spiritual nature on a daily basis.
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“I have known Marcus for
about 8 years now. He brings clarity in his person and his work that few
possess. I have seen his work with individuals, families and groups – He
brings a depth of healing that provides the foundation to move people
to a new place in their relationships. His ability to lead, teach and
facilitate is wonderful and worth experiencing.”
Freeman MA LPC
is a the transcript of an interview with www.otterdance.com
about the workshop, hope you enjoy it!
Let’s start with the premise that we are each children of God, created by God, born of Pure Light. Being a child of God, when you bring who you truly are into the world, you bring part of God’s Creation into the world. The more of God’s Creation you bring into the world, the more blessed the world will be, the more blessed those around you will be, and the more energized you will be by the Light of God flowing through you.
often we are told who we “ought” to be.
If what we are being told doesn’t fit, then after a while we want
the freedom to just be who we are. I
cannot tell you who you are, that is between you and God.
What I can tell you is when you are not being who you truly
are in relationship and when you are not speaking the Truth about you, who
you are, and how you feel. The
New Vision Workshops will teach you how to bring who you truly are into
the world and into the relationships in your life.
We must combine our spiritual awareness with our relationship awareness. Ninety percent of how we experienced God is through our relationships with each other, and especially our significant others. It is through our interactions with each other that we are given the choice to either bring more of who we truly are into the world or not. If we shift our awareness to incorporate relationships into our spiritual practice, we have a whole new set of homework that is infinitely more personal than some traditional/generalized types of studies that have been passed down. Studying a historical teacher is important, and nothing is more profound than becoming aware of how we shrink and shut off our flow of energy when faced with heartbreak, betrayal, disrespect, and insecurity.
Nothing is more personal to us than our personal relationships. When we incorporate relationship awareness into our spiritual path we constantly have a creative flow of input and feedback for spiritual growth. This is more than simply saying, “let’s call relationships spiritual so people will pay more attention,” there is an actual science to it. The way in which we “show up” in the world, and consequently in relationships, is indicative of our conception of God. Our introjected values and our core beliefs about “the way the world is” will dictate how we show up in relationships.
energy is our most vibrant energy. Grandma
Sammye Jo says that we are never closer to God than when we are having
sex. It is the nature of sex to serve God, to bring the power of
God’s presence into our lives and loves in the most personal way.
The spiritual essence of sex, for men, is that during that moment of orgasm, men go into that sublime state of “no mind” where our awareness is completely wide open. That is the moment of spiritual awakedness. In that split second, they are open to God and to the divine feminine and this is true for the most bohunk, braindead, hillbilly-moron man. And the degree to which they pay attention, are open, and allow is the degree to which they will be able to take that blessing into their life and carry it with them.
don’t know what it is for women, but my suspicion is that it is
somewhere in the ballpark of sex being the time where they channel the
Divine Feminine/Goddess into the world and having the earthly safety to be
vulnerable enough to do this is a necessary part.
If we start with the premise that sex, when done properly, will put us into direct contact with the Divine, then we can look at the sex in a relationship to see what is missing or needs attention and we can look at what is working. We can use this information to inform our work and determine what individual needs are being met, what needs are not being met. In this way sex is not any different than any other activity couples do, all of what we do can be seen as a metaphor for how we relate – We simply talk about sex a lot because it is more fun, more scary, more personal, and more intimate . . . . But mostly more fun.
This workshop is about expanding that awareness in all aspects of our relationships, so that we increase our capacity for being present, for being who we truly are because doing this we strip away everything that we are not and in being more fully who we are, we are more able to serve God and do Her work in the world. In doing this we get to feel the power and presence of God’s blessing in our lives on a moment to moment basis.
Is there a feeding back and forth from the spiritual into the relationship and from the relationship back into the spiritual?
Actually, there is no separation between the spiritual and the relationship; they are one and the same. This workshop is about creating the awareness that our spiritual path and our relationships are One. They do feed each other, yes. AND, while it may be easier to see them separately, they are so interconnected, you cannot have one without the other – you can only ignore one or the other at one time.
sounds like not having that awareness of the connectedness between the two
is a huge problem in most relationships, because most people feel their
relationship with Spirit is a very personal relationship and their other
relationships are a separate thing.
most people do not understand is how our relationships with each other can
inform their relationship with Spirit.
They can be an incredible source of inspiration and an incredible
source of information about what is getting in the way of their
relationship with Spirit.
Like my relationship with my wife, if I notice the problems that are there, it’s a guaranty that those are the same things that are getting in the way of my relationship with Spirit. The ways in which I am not open as I could be with my wife or the ways in which I am not bringing all of me to my marriage, those are the same ways that I am not bringing all of me to the world and the same ways in which I am not bringing all of me to my relationship and my openness with God.
What if I am interested in what you are teaching and I am not currently in a relationship. Can I still benefit from taking this workshop?
What I have found is to ask this question:
If you are not in a relationship, what does that say about your
relationship with God. How
are you not open to a relationship?
though most people who are single are saying, “I want a relationship.”
They still may have somewhere inside that is not open to it.
A lot of what I see is people who say they want a relationship,
they are frustrated in some way and they are not open to doing what it
takes to have a relationship.. Maybe
they can’t find someone who is quite right, or maybe they are
controlling, or whatever AND what I see is that their relationship with
Spirit is the same way.
view of God is perfectly mirrored in their partner, or in this case, their
lack of partner. Maybe they
have a judgmental view of God and feel like nothing or no one is good enuf
including themselves. They
say they want to have an open relationship with God, yet they are not open
to every aspect of what it means to be open to God – they may not be
open to everything that goes along with being open to God.
So often what I see is people shutting the door on some part of
themselves, it is usually some hurt associated with past relationships
that they don’t want to deal with.
In some ways they are trying to control something that feels out of
control, their emotions. How that gets translated, spiritually, is that they are not open in some way to God because they are
also not open to some aspects of themselves.
This means that they will not have access to the Creation Energy.
In one way we have no control over God and the potential of
Creation. In another way we
can shut it off by keeping the clamps down on our own feelings.
It is almost like God is looking at us saying, “How much of This
do you want? How much do
think you can handle?” God
will give us as much as we can handle. But will not bestow radical blessings on us in some ways
unless we are willing to do our part.
your emotions feel out of control, it’s actually the worst thing you can
do to try and control them. You don’t need control.
What you need is Safety. When
you feel out of control, you need to find a safe place to go and feel
everything you feel, everything you are afraid to feel.
You need to find someone who can provide a safe place to help you
explore all of those feelings that scare the crap out of you.
When we let ourselves feel our feelings in a safe place, then God
knows we are ready to live/love in a bigger way.
if you are only open to certain aspects of your experience, certain
aspects of your pain, then you have to make excuses for the rest of who
you are that you are not embracing and you have to avoid parts of you and
parts of your life that might naturally come up.
Congruently, If you are avoiding parts of you, how do you think
your life is going to be spiritually if you are only open to some
aspects of God and not all aspects
of who She is? You are going
to have a limited capacity to feel God’s blessings and God’s presence
on your life.
God is present in your pain. Most of us like to think of God as a loving, kind presence that doesn’t ever want to see us hurt. I believe that is true AND sometimes being a parent is a mother-fucker! With my own kids, I don’t ever want them to hurt, I don‘t ever want them to be sad and sometimes. Alot of times, doing what is right means my son is not going to get what he wants. Sometimes he has got to learn lessons that I would rather not have to teach him. I never want to put him in time out and I want him to know that under no circumstances is it O.K. to talk to his mother disrespectfully, it is not O.K. to push his sister down, ect. These are important lessons and it is my responsibility to teach them in a way that will foster his growth in a good way.
Later on we will talk about how to address things like discipline and setting boundaries with people. For now I want you to get the piece about how our relationships, our patterns of relationships, and our eccentricities of relating are congruent to our spiritual relatings.
It sounds like the workshop is not only about interpersonal and intimate relationships but also our relationship with spirit.
Absolutely. And, There is no separation between our relationships and Spirit. You can’t have one without the other. The New Vision recognizes that our union with another is a snapshot, or some kind of litmus test, of our relationship with spirit. Our relationships are a perfect expression of what we feel and believe about God.
So, if I feel I have sound spiritual practices, that’s not enough, right? Even if I have strong spiritual practices, there is something going on if my relationship is not what I want it to be or I am not in a relationship or I have issues in my relationship?
think about the expression, “Never trust a medicine man without a sense
of humor.” If you have a
person who is really open Spiritually and totally “shut down”
personally, then everything that person teaches will carry with it that
flavor of shut down. That
“shut down” leaves an impression on how we show up in the world.
It is impossible to be whole, without being whole.
If there is 10% of me that I am a “No” to, then in 90% of
relationships and situations I may do really well, but in that 10%, maybe
it is the most intimate 10% of your life can be troublesome.
Or maybe there is not a big 10% chunk that is troublesome. Maybe
there are 10 little 1% pieces of your life that don’t quite fit.
What I am looking at is not only pushing that edge up higher than
90%, but enriching the other 90%. And
here’s why it is important to keep pushing past out current state: If you graph the emotional clarity work to the spiritual
benefits, you find that there is an exponential curve at play, so for
every bit of work we do, there are bigger and bigger spiritual benefits
available to us.
is an interesting little note, for you math geeks.
On the exponential curve where the X-axis represents emotional
clarity work and the Y-axis represents closeness to God, no matter how
little emotional awareness you have or how low functioning you are, you
are never at a zero point, totally devoid of God.
And no matter how much work we do, we never attain perfection; we
just get really, really close.
If a person is only open to 85% of who they are, then they are only open to 85% of what God has to offer. Any closed off part is a part that is not open to be healed and have that hurt transformed into a place of spiritual light.
if I am I a relationship that is in trouble, will this workshop fix it or
a marketing standpoint, I say, “Yes.”
From a therapeutic viewpoint:
With any relationship or spiritual practice, one weekend workshop
will not change the world. What
it can do is give you one hell of a start.
Here is the piece that none of us can get around:
You have to do the work.
I can’t do it for you, I can help, I can coach, I can give you a
lot of tools that you really need. In
this workshop, I can help you get pointed in the right direction
and get you really, really excited to do some work that will bring some
The image I have is to help you go to those places that feel like dark places that feel like one of those “I don’t want to go there” places. We all have our “Don’t Go There” places, those places that scare us and feel really dark. What I can do is be your guide, I am pretty good at walking around in those dark places without getting lost. My job is to walk you into the darkness and not get lost myself. I have walked into a lot of dark places with people. One of the tools I will give you is a lantern and a map of where to find the light switch, so you can shed some light on those dark places and they won’t be so darn scary. I can help you navigate and help find the light that is being blocked out.
What if I am in a relationship and my partner won’t come with me to the workshop, not can’t, but WON’T, can this workshop still help us?
That is what I see more than anything else working with couples, where one person is willing to work on the relationship in this way and the other is not. Most of the time it is a perfect expression of the troubles in the relationship – where one person is wanting to do the work to resolve the problems and provide healthful growth and the other person is hoping the problems go away and not wanting to deal with it, not wanting to do the work that will bring about the resolution.
it help if only one person goes to the workshop?
Yes. Absolutely. In a relationship where you are having problems and you feel like you are the only one working, that’s a pretty tough spot to be in. We get triggered; we get frustrated at the other person’s resistance. We feel like we are the only one who cares because we are the only ones working. What I can help you do is make peace with the frustration so you can go back home and do your part without getting triggered when you are met with the other person’s resistance. Chances are your partner wants to resolve the problems too. They are just going about it in a different way and I can help you work with their way of doing it so you don’t get so scared and feel so threatened.
have done a lot of “touchy-feely, oooey-gooey” workshops that are
supposed to get me in touch with my feelings.
What makes this workshop different?
things. A lot of touchy
feeling workshops will do some really fun things and give you a couple of
really cool ideas and you are lucky to hold on to that feeling for a
couple of days, a week at the longest.
And the workshops that are more theoretical are mind-numbingly
boring. What I do is give you
some evocative theory that will get you excited to go deeper into your own
heart and into the heart of another.
Then, we practice relating, we practice relationship skills so when
you leave you already have been relating to people in a good way and it
won’t be one of those times you go home and don’t know how to use the
new toy you just bought. And
the cool thing is that you will be learning skills that you can use
anywhere, not just with other people who have taken my workshops.
Some therapists get really nervous when you get close to one of those dark, scary places because they don’t know how to handle their own dark, scary places. And they don’t know how to handle making deep, intimate contact. I also know the benefit for you of going to those “don’t-go-there” places. I know what’s waiting for you on the other side of those places that scare you so frickin’ badly that you feel like you are going to die and you never want to even acknowledge they are there. When you go to those places with proper support, like in the workshop, something is going to happen that will blow your mind: You are going to make peace with a part of you that scared you to death. You are going to find that this part of you, that you have kept cut off, has been transformed to an incredible source of strength that can help propel you into your future.
sounds like you teach in a really straight-forward, no bullshit kinda way.
Yes, and I do it with a lot of gentleness. I am a “go-in-there-and-kick-it’s-ass” kind of guy AND I also know that people are not dirt to be bulldozed. It takes a great deal of gentleness to facilitate this kind of healing. My style is very gentle, tender. It’s a very “move as slow as you need me to move” style, while still being very firm.
Firm and gentle is a rare combination. Gentle doesn’t mean that I am going to let you off the hook when you try to deflect. What I am going to do when you deflect is say, “I hear you wanting to change the subject and I am wondering what is available for you if you stay with this for a little while." When you do try to deflect, I am not going to blast you for it, I am going to come from a place of total acceptance, and never lose sight of who you are Spiritually - who God put you here to be.